I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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