That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
