Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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