I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
