After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
