hell yes lets make some ravioli
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
