Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
