Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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