But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
