All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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