bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
