Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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