This girl is more easily done than said...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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