these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
