I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
