You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
