how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
