well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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