i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
