If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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