I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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