He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
