All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
