this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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