sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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