you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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