2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
