just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
