I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ketchup is God's man juice
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
