I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
