Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
