Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize