if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
