My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
