What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
