And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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