well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
now i know why i became what i already was.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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