Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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