Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
