I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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