the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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