No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
