I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
