community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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