The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
