What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
