Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
