He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
