It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
