I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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