I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
