Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
