I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
