you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She swung at the pinata with crutches
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
