No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
