Operation Purity has been aborted
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
