ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
