the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
