you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
