A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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