im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize