I got chris browned last night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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