i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
