K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
