Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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