i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize