Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
