hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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