I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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