U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't notice because vodka
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
tell me about the fingering
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