i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
