wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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