He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
