im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
