My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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