I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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