I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
