Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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