giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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